theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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