Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
