And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
