apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
