did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
