Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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