I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
