You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
