i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
