okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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