SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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