I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
