Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
