Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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