Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
