even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
