Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
