There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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