So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize