I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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