I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
