mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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