either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
