Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
