please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize