he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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