I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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