he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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