This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
