I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
