dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
