so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
