My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
