my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
