sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
