I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
