Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
