why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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