dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
