he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
