im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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