just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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