but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
