What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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