I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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