Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
