I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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