That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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