whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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