Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
