If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i already hear my dad disowning me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
