evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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