i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
