Sponge bath it is.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
