at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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