I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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