I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
