This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
