just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
