I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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