I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
