im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just cropdusted the office
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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