I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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