there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
