Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
