woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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